


High Winds With Heavy Fall

by ManicMulder



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mulder Torture, Sleep, Sleep Paralysis, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManicMulder/pseuds/ManicMulder
Summary: Mulder has been having some terrifying sleep issues. Maybe he should avoid sleep, to avoid problems. Simple solution, correct?
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Kudos: 12





	High Winds With Heavy Fall

**Author's Note:**

> The title has nothing to do with the story- 
> 
> Anyway, I wrote this cuz I have too many sleep issues and it sucks. If you had nightmares or sleep paralysis every night, would you want to sleep? I thought, why not write it out but through Mulder.

How has it been 30 years since my sister was abducted? Insomnia was present most of the time and when I did go to sleep, it would cause me to fall into a deeper sleep much faster, hence causing hypnagogia faster. I’ve always been fascinated with the idea of lucid dreaming, but that’s another story.

My main concern is nightmares. They’ve haunted me for as long as Samantha was abducted. Since then, I don’t remember having any pleasant dreams, unless you count the ones based off my videos. When I was younger, as a teen, my mom took me to a sleep study. I hated it. I learned to not open up anymore. It only makes my life more complicated. I’m my own psychologist. I mean, just because I am, doesn’t mean I’ll have self care.

Recently, since it’s been three decades, she’s been on my mind. The past month I’ve had too much trouble sleeping. One night I was super exhausted after chasing a monster, or as Scully says, “It’s not a monster.” I think whatever I watch on television influences my dreams. I’ve noticed patterns, as I’ve been keeping journals of my dreams. Such a teenage girl thing, but hey- it’s how I can look back and remember. Any detail might be important?

One night, I fell asleep with a low hum of the TV running. I was on the couch, just wearing sweatpants with a blanket over me. All of a sudden, I felt the urge to wake up. Every time I opened my eyes, it took so much effort. It’s as if I was under anesthesia and fighting to keep my eyes open. It was like slow motion blinking. I opened my eyes and when I did, it was only for a second at a time, before they closed for three more and opened again. This dark figure that I couldn’t even tell what shape it was; it was staring back at me, with one glowing white eye. Looking back, it was stupid sounding, but sleep paralysis is a real thing and is frightening to anyone who’s ever experienced that.

You can’t move. You’re screaming for help but in reality, you aren’t screaming. And when you wake up, you can’t help but remember what happened. Sometimes I’ll wake up in a sweat or even crying. It’s not only sleep paralysis I struggle with. I’ve had the same recurring dream in specific detail of Samantha’s abduction, but it’s like a never-ending Hell time loop. Nothing I do can change events.

Without medication, my mind can’t unfocus on these memories and thoughts. Obviously I don’t ever take anything. Scully and Skinner definitely noticed my behavior.

“Mulder!” I hear a snap in front of my face and look at Skinner, who snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Sir?”

“Did you hear anything I said? It took five times for you to respond.”

I had not said a single word. I sometimes felt like I was going insane. It felt like I wasn’t awake, but neither sleeping. “Sorry,” is all I mumbled.

This happened a few times that month. I was oddly silent and didn’t talk unless I observed something relevant. Each night was more painful. That’s when I decided to not sleep anymore. I didn’t have to tell Scully. I jacked up on caffeine and kept all the lights on. I made sure to eat so I didn’t feel tired, and went on some a.m. walks. So far I’ve been awake 24 hours. I feel hyper but I’ve had enough experience with jet lag to know the cycle. You’re incredibly tired, then all of a sudden get a surge of energy before falling asleep. If I keep moving, I won’t fall asleep.

I didn’t notice until Scully pointed out that when we submitted the final report for last weeks case, she asked me why I wasn’t sitting. I was pacing back and forth, rocking on my feet. It’s just a habit I guess, I couldn’t stay still. 

“Mulder, what’s going on with you?” Scully asked. “Do you have to go to the bathroom?”

“No.”

“Then sit down and behave! You’re acting like a middle school boy with ADHD.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down. Another five minutes and my head was nodding off to sleep. Another snap of the fingers from Skinner.”

“Snooze later. You have a new case.”

I was more than excited because it meant I was active. I took another shot of strong caffeine before getting in the car and driving not too far to an apartment building where a “man-lizard” was eating off people’s arms.

“MULDER WATCH OUT!” I hear.

I look up to see I’ve drifted into oncoming traffic and swerve back with barely time left. A couple more seconds and I would’ve been dead. shit.

“PULL OVER!” Scully was angry.

I pulled over and you would not believe it, she slapped me!

“Wake up Mulder! I want to take you to a psychologist, maybe a neurologist. Have you been having trouble sleeping?”

She knew too much. “Just the usual.”

“Mulder, I swear, if you sleep at the wheel again, if you sleep in Skinner’s office, if you do any more of that, I will drag you to a hospital.”

“It won’t happen again. I just need to move.”

We made it to the crime scene and once again, I got a surge of energy. I admit, my vision was feeling distant and as if I was daydreaming. I felt like my equilibrium was off, but I didn’t tell her. 

We interviewed the person about the lizard and Scully scoffed the whole time.

“This is a serious case, but it’s a human, Mulder.”

I wasn’t even paying attention to the details so I just nodded and replied, “Uh-huh.”

She gave me a look. “You never agree with me. Aren’t you going to say something like, “Scully! Believe me! I saw the lizard’s scales!”

“It’s a lizard,” I say in an expressionless tone.

Without many leads, we go back to the Bureau. It’s late and Scully tells me to get some sleep.

Back at my apartment, all the lights are still on. I’m pacing around and splashing my face with cold water as I absorb un all the details of the case but it’s so hard to focus. Eventually after a few hours, I come to the conclusion that we are looking for a human, and not a lizard. It’s not other than the landlord.

It’s four a.m. I’ve been awake for 46 hours. I take another shot of caffeine before calling Scully.”

“Meet you at the apartment. It’s the landlord!”

Without shut eye, my vision has become incredibly blurry and I feel like I’m not even awake anymore. I’ve had a few hallucinations, but I shook them off. Yeah, I’ll eventually sleep but not now. This case has distracted me and for once I didn’t have to painfully think of demons, sleep paralysis monsters or my sister’s abduction.

I have to make sure I don’t fall asleep while driving so I blast music until I get there. Scully is miraculously there.

“I came for you. I missed breakfast.”

“Thanks.”

I went in with my gun and into the office of the landlord. It was a lizard! He was coming towards me! I shot without warning and he feel to the floor. I blinked, and it was a man- unarmed. “Shit.”

Back in Skinner’s office, all he could do was give me a disapproving look for ten minutes before saying something. He sighed as he lay down the file.

“You shot a man who was unarmed.”

“But sir, he was the one responsible for the killings. The evidence is there.” I didn’t tell anyone about him being a lizard. The last thing I needed was to be locked up in a psychiatric hospital again. Scully got me out when I said I saw the insect Mr. Pinkus, but now thst might not slide as easily, considering the different circumstances.

“You know, you’re awfully lucky. Be glad he was single and lonely. No one can sue you.”

“Mmhmm.” I yawned loudly. I think I’ve been awake two full days already. Geez. It feels like a year. All of a sudden, I’m feeling light headed. I don’t know why. I get up and act like everything is ok but I feel like I’m falling, even though I’m not. It’s that feeling- well remember those spinning things on children’s playgrounds? Remember when you tried walking after spinning for a minute. It felt like that.

I couldn’t help but to make a sound as I sat back down, hoping no one noticed but I don’t think that’s what happened.

“Mulder?”

“I think I just need water.” I realized I hadn’t had any water. All I was raking was energy shots and caffeine. Oh god. That’s when I realized I fucked up. When you mix sleep deprivation, with drugs like that, it sends too many electrical signals. 

The last thing I wanted was to faint in Skinner’s office so I got up and shot out of the room, running to the elevator, but I did not quite make it. I’m no doctor, but at that moment, I knew I was out.

————-

I woke up to a painful bright light. Everything was hazy. If you’ve ever fainted, you would know that it’s not so easy waking up and remembering what happened. This felt different. Everything was awful.

“Mulder. Can you hear me?”

I wanted to respond but my brain wasn’t letting me. I just wanted to sleep again so that’s what I did.

—————

“Fox! Stop it!” Samantha yelled. I stood there, paralyzed as she was taken. The same scene in explicit detail, over and over again. Wait. I know I’m dreaming. Once you achieve the power of lucid dreaming, you can rule the world, but just because your lucid, doesn’t mean you can control it. I can. I need to fix this.

It’s the same scene again, and instead I run up to Samantha and hold her tight. 

“Fox! What are you doing?! Let go! I wanna watch TV.”

“No!” I shout but no matter what, she slips out of my hands. I thought I had her. I thought my grip was strong but it wasn’t. Again the bright light flashes, but this time it’s over. Am I in Hell? All I hear are sounds.

——

My eyes open again, but this time I feel well rested and shit- I’m in a hospital. I just love them. 

I look around and notice, of course in in a hospital gown, but I also have an IV. I’ve had way too many to count, but I woke up and guess who is sitting next to me.

“Skinner’s gonna kill me,” is the first thing I say.

Scully looks up. She’s not crying. She looks more pissed off. “Oh Mulder. She holds my hand. 

“Don’t give me the whole, “You did something stupid talk.”

“I’m just worried for you. There are better ways to cope with- memories and dreams.”

“Wait how did you know?” I felt my forehead for electrodes which were there. I took them off right away. This was ridiculous.

“What happened?” I asked. 

“You tried to give up sleeping and got jacked up on caffeine and energy shots. Mulder what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t. Unless you’re a psychic, I don’t think you would know about my dreams causing this.”

“Mulder. When I went in your apartment, I had to see if you were taking any drugs or if you were on medication. You had your journal wide open next to some very strong coffee.”

“You read my journal? What are you- a younger sibling?” I got up and felt totally fine. 

“I’m getting out of here. But tell me what happened.”

“Lately you’ve been very distant. Acting odd. When you got up and ran out of Skinner’s office, you collapsed in the hall and had a small seizure. It’s common with major sleep deprivation, and considering joe much caffeine you took, your brain went into a frenzy. We called an ambulance and you’ve been out for a day. It’s the next morning.

“What?!” This is absurd.

“You are free to go.”

“Good.” I was getting very upset at this whole ordeal. Of course I think I can handle things like this.

“But-“

“But what, Scully?”

“Not just me, as your doctor, as your friend, your partner, I think you might want to try some therapy. Talk therapy. It’s not good to bottle up emotions for so long. Eventually there will be a break, and you might not be able to control it. Something might just explode, and you’ll just die.” 

“Thanks,” I say sarcastically. I realize I don’t have my clothes so I huff.

“Mulder. It’s okay to get help.” 

I see Scully holding a bag of my clothes. I snatch it and go in the bathroom to change. When I come out, I look her in the eye. 

“Nothing I do can change the past.” She looks at me with pity. I hate it. Just leave me alone.

I assume I can take a sick day, so that’s just what I do. That night as I lay on the couch, I finally just close my eyes, as the dream sucks me in. Pleasant or frightening? Happy or sad? We’ll have to find out.


End file.
